Since July 2017, the beautiful book you sent had been tucked away in the closet. I could hear its muffled voice calling out, for days and years, as it remained in the box it came in. The luxurious pristine blank pages triggered a serious case of artist block. Nothing quite like a white sheet of paper to intimidate and even more so, a bound book with many blank pages.

As COVID-19 began to impact our lives in early March, we began sheltering-in-place so my art practice moved closer to home — we don’t go out much. I am using just the materials I have at hand. I was longing to return to my roots, my deep love of doing portraits. But, since we rarely see anyone, and someone sitting for a portrait is not possible, I turned to a group of plaster portraits figures ’84-’87 that are now standing in as my models. They are perfect because they have been holding the pose for years and are intent on holding it for-ever.

These ghostly sculptures titled Pieces of I (individuation) were done during a time I was experiencing much physical pain coupled with the difficult struggle to find my artistic voice. The heads were first shaped in clay then cast in plaster. The malleability of the clay was the perfect material for expressing the anguish and transformation I was experiencing. The casting in plaster was a laborious and physically demanding process that involved heavy lifting and much repetitive chiseling that contributed to my pain. But in a certain way the pain, amplified my commitment to my artwork — reinforcing the story of  the suffering artist. 

Although to some, the twists of the faces may have looked tortured. They may have been difficult to look at. Nevertheless, they struck a nerve. In August of 1984 three of the sculptures had their debut at the 38th Annual Arts Commission Festival at the Civic Auditorium. In 1985, the San Francisco Women Artist Gallery selected myself and painter Marshall Crossman to be the “Emerging Artists.” This distinguished honor, this first real show, gave me confidence and set me on my artistic path.

The press release described my “insight into the continual struggle of the individual to remain unique while becoming, of necessity, a part of the whole, is well expressed in Selby’s  sculptural forms. United by the material, differentiated by the shapes, the inner turmoil of the evolving being is being played against the tension of the group. The smooth, confident exteriors are stripped away to reveal the anxiety of personal transformation.”

The headaches and body aches, feeling my head both large and throbbing and constricted like head on a stick, all in Alice in Wonderland way, made me relentless in my search for a treatment. I went through every known medical test to try to find a reason and a cure: biofeedback, drugs, hypnosis, on and on it went. Fortunately, along the way, I was directed to Somatics, an embodied philosophy with a system of exercises that taught me to re-educate my body and posture that saved me and helped me to finally live pain free.

FAST + FORWARD TO TODAY

Today, as if in a life-drawing class, I set-up a sculture standing in as my “model,” direct light on the figure to emphasize the shadows, clip paper to my drawing board, grab my pencil, my stub, and my seat. I am working free-hand, harkening back to the marvelous years of study with Joseph Query that I described in History of Drawing: Lesson Five. 

With The Rev as my in-house spiritual guide and art critic, I am heeding his chiaroscuro advice emphasizing the tonal values. It is glorious and intimidating to try to limn a likeness of these formidable figures. As I look anew at each countenance, the expressions on the sculptures seem now even more fit for these tumultuous times. Now the whole planet is in crisis. Personal pain is now political  and now planetary. I am drawing as if my life depends on it and it does…

Mind Games offers “Alice’s Game,” a guided meditation where one learns to experience a flexibility of body and body image. This exercise plays with being large and small, thick and thin, arriving at a full feeling of being embodied. Listen here: